Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My boob is missing a layer of skin
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