Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize