Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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