I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Randomize
