Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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