I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
