I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
