I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I am spending my child support on dildos
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
