mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
