FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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