I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
