; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
