My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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