I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
