i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
