Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
