And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
