Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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