I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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