areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
