I'm jealous of your bromance
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
