sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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