yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
