some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
