I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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