I think I am morally bankrupt
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
