ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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