Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
