I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
