i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
