oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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