You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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