dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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