Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
