I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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