Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
