I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize