a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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