you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sext me about skeletons
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
