Walk of Shame. In a state park.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i think i have two assholes
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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