I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Fuck appropriateness.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
