im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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