I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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