chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
