So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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