apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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