i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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