I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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