Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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