im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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