normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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