I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
fuck your aforementioned shoe
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
