maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
