I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
