Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
