alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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