i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
