Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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