So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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