sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
