my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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