happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
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