Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We just shotgunned beers for America
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
