Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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