she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
